Current thoughts and update

So that fake OkCupid account I began has taken on a life of its own. Without fail, I get about 8 messages a day, and can't log on for 5 minutes without being hassled by some douche claiming to be 26, which grey hair and pictures with "his sister's kids." Sometimes it's just so easy.

Looking back, that is the same reason I dyed my hair blonde for half of a year. I had always wondered what was the difference in treatment of blondes to brunets, and the idea that all it took was a couple of hair bleaches was worth it. Sure, my hair is permanently damaged now, I can't style it, can barely brush it for that matter, but it was so worth the social experiment.

Even with blonde hair, I dressed the same, acted the same, talked to the same people I normally would. The only difference being my lightened hair, and the perceived difference of my personality based on that difference. It was ridiculous how often I got hit on, and how many doors were opened for me, even though I was still being my nerdy self. On some level I believe we are all horrible superficial, but I just had to prove it myself.



On a different note, I am within an arm's reach of graduation. It's here. That far-off light I couldn't even see at the end of a long and treacherous tunnel has finally reared its hopeful head. And although school seems like it has given me nothing in terms of a career choice or direction yet, I have been able to meet new people and try my hand at many skills, leading me to realize my one true innate talent that I had ignored all along and simply retrieved every nowandthen for a good grade on a research paper.

Writing is the only passion I have. I appreciate art, culture, literature, music and the such, but writing is the one way I can live through those things, and respond in my own way. I am like a funnel-one that uses my 20/20 to see what is crashing around me, and relate it back to the world. I have to do this forever. See the world, meet a million people, and report it all back to those stuck in traffic at 5:30 p.m. Remind the world of the beauty we live for, and to experience wha true happiness is beyond selling meaningless products and perpetuating a cycle of dissatisfaction and materialism.

Looking back, I can't tell if I have gotten dumber, lazier, or just overloaded as I have progressed through formal academia. In the beginning, I was that girl that went to class, studied, have a full time job, and make straight A's. At some point I realized I couldn't keep my head above water and keep that 4.0, and now although I try like no one I know, I seem lost in a sea of students, with almost no direction of what is really important in class, and what I need to focus my attention on. When professors think we all have 8 hours a night for random readings from newspaper clippings from 5 years ago, they better be kidding. What's the real joke is that I pay $40 for each of these course manuals containing these now-irrelevant news.

I think now is the time for professors that are still using the same powerpoint from 1996 to reformat the structure of their class. It never seemed fair to me that the students that read and do the assignments find it impossible to make an A, just because we don't have reels of memory waiting to spunge up every small detail of information from 5 different sources. In one class I have, we have online readings, two books, a rhetoric book, and videos to watch each night.

I'm sorry, but there is more to life than these four walls, and I am too big for them now.

Get ready.