A guide to

Patterns. I am starting to see the patterns.

Last night, I started Level 3 improv classes at The New Movement. Our first baby step into the depths of the class started with us paying attention and picking out patterns we were setting for ourself in the scene. At one point, I poisoned a nice Korean man playing my father. In another, I was the heiress of bee suit and a tent, while my sister with a self-esteem issue complained about her microscope. I was keeping my eye out for repeating gestures and emotions surfacing, and play off the rules of comedy to make every scene as funny as it possibly could be. In the end, I had one of the most enjoyable days of improvising that I've had in a while.

I also find myself picking out the intricate patterns we all play with each other. The dirty glances, the guilt tripping for not being able to go out for drinks, the cat and mouse each of us seems to embody. On the inside there is an equal part chaos, but the patterns are there to harness it all down and let us see though the window panes. Something pretty, something sad, but nonetheless, these patterns keep us pacing around under our shirts.

Even our personality traits are learned patterns that we each picked up as a result of a situation earlier in life. Almost all traits were formed as a sort of shield to our egos, and where our armor left off, personality traits picked up for and filled in for us, leaving us feeling stronger, at least for the time being. Some people weren't born angry or scared, but were conditioned through life to react that way out of self-defense. I used to seriously believe that I had diabetes. Not only that, but hypoglycemia, a bunk thyroid, and a gluten allergy. I never felt good or healthy, although I ate fresh foods and exercised like a normal 20-something, I could stop thinking something was horribly wrong with me. Until I realized. It was like the third grade again, when you exploit that minor cough or sore throat to consume the full attention of your worried mother. She brought you soup, she brought you ice cream- some of you even had a little bell to ring if you got thirsty.

And I was that little martyr again.

There are hidden patterns everywhere. Even the clouds float in layers, and if you follow the patterns of your life, you might just discover the something you thought you were missing.

And it's everywhere.