A guide to

The TV
tells me what to do.
And what bathroom cleaner I should buy.
Act now!
Buy Fast!
We'll throw in three free!
And I'm bound
to love my new life.
GM tells me happiness
is just within my reach.
With a 4-year lease and the right
handshake,
we can all be pseudo-celebrity.
Apple warns me that I'm missing
my loved ones
when I can't connect with them today.
The spokesman on channel 30
looks just like my dad
and promises to love me
the same way.
But I don't understand
why
when I dial the 1-800s
that all of the Pauls and Richards and Lisas
only want to know
Is this Mastercard or Visa?