How many times do I have to be warned? I've spent too much hard-saved cash on these Hollywood movies that seem to sprout up and grab onto theaters like weeds, and I just can't keep stepping all over the damn things. Even after the hmmphs and hehs that followed asking how the famed Alice in Wonderland from Tim Burton was faring in the hearts of audiences, I still payed full price and sacrificed a Thursday evening to experience what I had hoped to be a colorful and imaginative adaptation of the Lewis Carroll classic. However, I couldn't even look past the green screens and budget-burning over the top CGI that ruined practically every scene. Add in the fact that most of the actors looked as if it took them all of one afternoon to film their lines, and I was squirming in my seat (along with a few others in the theater) waiting for the lights to come back up. One woman even ran from her seat screaming after the credits began. And the one saving grace to this film fiasco? Oh, none other than a little cameo by Crispin Glover, of course.

This isn't the first time that he has surprised me in the middle of a movie. And I have to say, for a man who has been in over 50 movies, I don't think I'll ever stop being surprised. He plays Stayne in Alice in Wonderland, and managed perfectly to remain equal parts creepy and...well, just more creepy. So when Jake and I decided to be normal people and go see Hot Tub Time Machine last night(no warnings from anyone here, but we knew better), the only character that kept me from calling it a night and falling asleep on someone's shoulder was the one-armed bellboy, Phil, played by Glover.

So for the sake of all Hollywood movies, keep up the good fight, Crispin!

Going back in time

It's already Thursday, and this cold that has tied us down all week is starting to make me anxious. The bronchitis-like cough I've developed keeps me from doing other social things such as going to bars or seeing Alice in Wonderland, and the social stigma of going on a coughing fit in public still stings from middle school. Yet, back in Austin with my newfound belongings that I saved from being donated to our yard sale, my Super Nintendo is in the house and Jake is already wearing it out. I brought a few basic games- Super Mario, The Simpsons Game and Mortal Kombat- but even I can admit, this isn't a well-rounded collection. So Jake and I headed out to Game Over Videogames to try to see if we couldn't scrounge up any more sentiment from our childhood idletime. What we went for was entertainment. What we got was Shaq.

The last time I felt this dirty messing with a celebrity's product was when I bought dinner at Planet Hollywood in Orlando, but at $5.99, I couldn't say say no to the superstar. I'm a little disappointed in myself, I must say, but it is reaffirming to see that even in 1994, when such masterpieces like Speed and Ace Ventura were gracing movie shelves, that kitschy ill-developed products were still gracing the world with their presence.

But the sun came out today, so I reckon I'll have to catch up with Shaq another time.

So what we've got to do here is

It's started. Spring cleaning, not just around the house, but in the dusty corners of my mind I am also trying to shake free the cobwebs and see where all of the light is coming from. Lately I have started organizing better, buying less, simplifying what I do, and focusing where I put my time and energy. After downsizing my own closet and stressors, I skirted off to Dallas to help my family clean under their dirty rugs. I went home to purge and clean the house I spent half of my life, and get rid of mementos and old things that lasted through years of shoving in the backs of closets. It took 2 whole days, but after all of the moving, sweeping, and throwing away, my mom has a new sense of pride in the house and and I am still having a reaction to all of the dust I inhaled. Phew. I'm even driving back up next week to have the motherload of all yard sales, as the four cardboard signs I markered entails. If you're in Dallas, text me for my address to dig through all of my old, embarrassing earthly possessions!

And in addition, because "multitasking" is one of my truest hobbies, I will be killing twin birds or whatever they say with the Dallas Comedy Festival, which is also happening next weekend! Sister theater, Dallas Comedy House, will be hosting a plethora of talented laugh-masters from Dallas, Austin and all over. I can't wait to see the ladies from Bare Moxie and The New Movement! Plus, word is on the streets that the Dallas theater has hummus tacos and other homemade creations available to buy and eat right in front of the stage. As if I needed more reason to go to every improv show in town. Phew.

Topical Jokes from the Future

Front row, center

I was OCD

We did it. Opening weekend was a success for our sketch comedy show, Topical Jokes from the Future. I got up on that improv stage, got some laughs I wasn't expecting, and only have a faint burning feeling left long after the stage lights were off.

A ticking timebomb

Now that we're done with the whole thing, a bunch of us have decided to start our own writing group to see how we come up with future sketches! Who knows? Maybe we're good at it, and maybe I can get my writing jollies that way!

Steady drinking.

Well we did it. Another bun is in the oven, and we've taken even more steps this time to make it look like we know what we're doing. Our blood orange hefeweizen, properly named "Deatheweizen", is bottled and 7-10 days away from enjoying. We didn't even ruin the run trying to bottle them!

Watch out, boys.

In other news, Jake is back on skates and showing Texans how it's done. Last Friday we ditched the normal "wanna go out and try that new bar?" plan, and instead headed north to Chaparral Ice to ice skate and cover ourselves in well-deserved bruises. Even though ice skating isn't something I feel bold enough to include on my resume anytime soon, I'm not going to deny that I was one of those teenage skating rink girls. Yes, I did used to do physical activity at some point in my life, and I used to be pretty smooth at it. I guess that is why I keep going back to skates, even having my Germany going-away party at Playland Skate not so long ago. Jake is set to jump back into hockey again, which should set everyone else down here on edge. You guys just wait.

Thermos Jerfullson!

Updates this week! My sketch comedy show, Topical Jokes from the Future, comes out this Friday and Saturday! To buy tickets, go here! And if you just wanted to laugh at a kitten in a wig, go ahead! My article on Austin artist Corinne Loperfido is set to be published with Flux Magazine this week, and I still need to learn piano!

Romance in all its forms.
Alright Alright, so I am sure all of you have been waiting all day to find out what I have been up to this weekend. Other than missing a rendezvous with lovely Natalia while she was in town (sorry lady, boob tassel stories from that night come later.)

After I clocked out of work Friday afternoon, I had a whole evening of crazy comedy to attend to. Stupid Time Machine was set to perform at The New Movement, and the New Orleans troupe brought down the house, or at least what I could imagine in all of my white-washed visions that phrase could mean. Vampire love, sexy family board games, and Obama tackling the healthcare crisis all made their way onto the stage, only to leave most of the crowd begging for more. Phew!

Modesty Night 2010
Saturday, Jake invited me to Canaval, the Brasiliero Mardi Gras happening downtown that night. Unsure about what "Carnaval" really was, and why it would include "wear a costume!" on the actual ticket, I threw my normal sweater-covered caution to the wind, and put on my most colorful halter top and short skirt to see what could come from a little culture. What I expected was a festive, colorful room, celebrating the Brazilian version of Mardi Gras. What we got was worn out bass-and-amp Brazilian dance music being sung by a middle aged Charro type woman, and what Craigslist might look like if everyone shut their computers for a night and decided to all come out in costume and meet each other. I couldn't tell if I was at a Furrie party or a club orgy at Spiros. (RIP) But seriously, after about the tenth boob tassel, I decided I was going to have to slow down my blushing and go ahead and bask in the fact that I was, in fact, the most underdressed person in the entire room. While I stepped away to take the above picture, Jake was coerced into being photographed with a couple of strangers, at least until I came back and made things awkward. What a night.

A shrine to the beautiful and awkward.
Then Sunday I stopped by Birdhouse Gallery off East Cesar Chavez to see the art of Corrine Loperfido, the Austin graphic designer and artist I am writing about for Flux. I've never had the chance to make it to this gallery before, but it was adorable and reminded me of all of the houses I have ever wanted to move into in Austin. The house was filled with the playful and honest pieces of the area artists, and while I giggled at the caricatures of the young and the old, I was blown away with the detailed yet whimsical nature of all of her pieces.

Now back to all seriousness, and the US just beat Canada in hockey, so there is a party over here until the whiskey runs out. Back to the old salt mill this week.

Oh no, not again.

I think I am just doing it all wrong.

I’m really not even 100% sure of what I want to do anymore. On one hand, I have slowly becoming more comfortable and entranced with Austin again. The city where I spent the better part of my college years had withered and turned into an ugly thing, full of distractions, people who didn’t know who they were past their bike handlebars, and a slew of people that were a lot of talk and no walk. After I got back from Europe, I settled in to the North side of Austin, away from traffic and away from pretention that usually comes with living in South Austin or downtown. Jake and I started using Austin for all it was good for, spending afternoons on long walks and venturing into green parts of the city that no one seemed to know about. I let my guard down, unpacked my things, and we told ourselves we would stay just as long as we wanted to.

Yet at the same time, I am ready to do more. I feel like I can do more with myself than I am currently doing, and applying myself has nothing to do with it. I am up to my arms in projects and articles I am writing and updating, and the days don’t pass by without me adding to my list without marking anything significant off. My projects are usually halfway done, and even the articles I can get printed aren’t pieces I feel I put myself into the way I want to, and usually don’t make me feel the pride I thought I would after they are posted.

And I still need to make ends meet.

Is the creative pool in Austin already tapped, or do I have my eyes so focused on my limited view around me to not see my resources all around? Should I be drilling myself to write more articles for publications just for the hell of it, or am I wasting my energy when I could be slowly getting better at the kind of writing I want to do and one day (hopefully) make a living off of?

I can feel my mind getting cloudy and cluttered again, and my ideas are becoming less and less defined. Is this not a good place for me anymore, or did I just create the same traffic jam in my brain that was knocking around inside of me for the last 2 years?