And zen it happened.

I just want a spicy karma with brown rice.

Alright, someone has got to say something. I don't know if this phenomena is happening all around, but the zen-endorsing fast food noodle houses are going to have to stop and smell the burning noodles in the wok. I have a couple of problems with eateries like these, and none of which really include the food. You see, I go to one of these places a few times a week. There are numerous examples of these fast food noodle houses popping up in new shopping centers, only to put the Thai food restaurant down the street out of business. The service and food is fast, but at the expense of everything a restaurant such as these claims to stand for.

For one, the zen-like atmosphere that places like these attempt to have always fall short of the real deal. Over-stylized wall hangings and upside down plants are in every corner, and little Buddhas are placed near fork containers and tip jars. Even a wok with enlightening phrases is placed strategically in front of you in case you feel the spiritual need to give back to the employee that just rushed you through the line.

Speaking of employees, there never seems to be a moment that you couldn't be ordering faster, but any time you need their attention, they can't seem to see you past the chile paste cups they are refilling. The lines there are so long at peak lunch times that you forget you were even waiting after a while, that is, until the over-caffeinated employee behind the register harps at you to order before you even get a chance to question his red ninja head band he appears to be wearing. You're sped through the ordering process, and can't seem to remember all of the options of rice that you get, so you shout "white!" before he has to ask you twice.

There are usually 2 tables left by the time you order, and they both have the metal chairs that make your butt sweat when you're by the window. Oh well, you're going to have to eat fast any way, because there are too many power-eaters in the room to have a peaceful and enjoyable lunch, and they won't stop staring down your table until your chopsticks are surrendered.

Next time, you better just call in your order. The hypocrisy of these places is a joke. If you want a zen-like lunch, just head over to Applebees, where the booths are deserted and the service makes you feel like you're alone on the side of a Tibetan mountain. Oh, the solitude of lunch.